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The Missing Lunches and the Legend of Mozzy Sticks

There have been times in my life when a ringing phone seems like the most terrible kind of portent.  The sound echoes on the not-yet-manifested changes that will inevitably occur when I touch the green circle and accept the call.  There were times it might have been a call from around the world.  Times when it could have been a call from home.  There was even a time in a movie called Cape Fear that the phone actually became sentient and signaled impending horror in the only way its tinny little voice box could.  But nothing creates a malaise of doom or a pit of nerves the way a call from your child's elementary school does.  What if the particular and miraculous mix of genetics and moxie you sent out the door whole in the morning is hurt?  What if they're sick?  What if they're in trouble?  Please, dear Lord in heaven, don't let it be lice. All thoughts that crossed my mind last Tuesday when I heard my phone repeatedly vibrating in my desk.  All reasons why I was nerv…

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